he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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