I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
