T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
