Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
