I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize