After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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