i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
