Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
