Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
