So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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