i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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