I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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