Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
