Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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