Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
