Need sex. Gaining weight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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