guys are not supposed to queef...right?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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