I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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