You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
