sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
