My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
