I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
