you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
well, you know. whores of a feather.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
