There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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