Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
