I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
