She is in my trunk
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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