I love black thongs
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
