Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
