I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
