My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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