During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
