white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
