you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
