Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
