Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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