ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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