Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
