Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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