I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
