I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This baby is an asshole
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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