I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
