There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
