I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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