he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
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So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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