she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
