so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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