Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
