Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
