YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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