i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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