morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
