Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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