judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
