is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
