well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
