Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
