My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
