Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
