This is not my ceiling
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
