I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
