I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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