i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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