Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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