Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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