What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
