did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i would punch a child for taco bell
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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